The Curry Factor

A number of recent Knick back stories have struck a nerve here at the Mecca. Collectively they reminded me of how much I hated the prayer circle era of NY Knick basketball. You know what I'm talking about. The Scott Layden debacle era.

Anyway the first little rumor that triggered this was the scuttlebutt that Allan Houston was being groomed as future Knicks president. It gives me a little panic attack to think that this could happen. It's way too much goodness in any sports franchise.

So that gave me a little shiver right there.

Next, I watched a video of Stephen Curry from a year or so ago in which he talked about his love of golf. Again, my MMMS spider-sense started tingling. I could only imagine Curry getting bookended by Dolan and AH being asked to quote scripture as they cart from one country club hole to another.

If memory serves me correct wasn't Longley or Glenn Rice asked to go golfing with these guys and never coming back. Seems to me its Knicks legend that one of our players can still be heard crying out for help on the Greenwich Golf Club green.

Maybe its my imagination but, don't be surprised if Tiger Woods selects for the Knicks Tuesday night.

Chip Stern and the Knicks City Dancers

Just got an email from chip with some footage of a piece he's putting together to celebrate Stephon Marbury joining the summer league team..

In the footage you can see Chip on standup bass and the Knicks City Dancers on vibes:

David Stern's Secret Knicks Plan Revealed

By now everyone knows that David Stern expects big changes for the Knicks this summer.

This blog, ever so vigilant for clues as to what the hell Stern could be talking about has examined the flight logs of James Dolan.

About a week ago, Mark Cuban joked about freezing envelopes during the draft. Little did Cuban realize Dolan's secret plan - that is why not take advantage of the Rangers ability to freeze the garden and draft someone like Wim Hof aka "The Iceman":

Hof began a lifelong quest to see just how far his abilities would take him. In January of 1999 he traveled 100 miles north of the Arctic Circle to run a half-marathon in his bare feet. Three years later, dressed only in a swimsuit, he dove under the ice at the North Pole and earned a Guinness World Record for the longest amount of time swimming under the ice: 80 meters, almost twice the length of an Olympic-sized pool.

When he didn't experience frostbite or hypothermia, the body's usual reactions to extreme cold, his extraordinary ability started to get the attention of doctors who specialize in extreme medicine.

Dr. Ken Kamler, author of "Surviving the Extremes," has treated dozens of people who tried to climb Mount Everest, and instead nearly died from the frigid temperatures. He couldn't believe it when he got word of a Dutchman making the ascent with no protection other than a pair of shorts.

"People are always looking for new firsts on Everest. It's been climbed so many times now, people climb it without oxygen, they … they climb it with all different kinds of handicaps. But no one has come close to climbing Everest in those kinds of conditions," Dr. Kamler said. "It's … it's almost inconceivable."

That's right, draft a guy who can play basketball in shorts on an ice rink! Let's see Kobe dunk in snowshoes and thermal underwear - not gonna happen.

Freeze the Garden - 40 wins guaranteed. Wim will be moving up the draft charts any day now.

But let's not forget about Dolan's European flights where he's scouting this guy:

Recent measurements show that Stadnik is already 7 inches taller than Radhouane Charbib of Tunisia, listed by the Guinness Book of World Records as the tallest living man.

He’s also gaining on the 8-11 Robert Wadlow, the tallest man in history. Yet for Stadnik, the prospect of becoming a record-holder would be little comfort.

“My two-year-old suit’s sleeves and pants are now 30 centimeters (12 inches) shorter than I need,” said Stadnik. “My height is God’s punishment. My life has no sense.”

Imagine drafting an 8' center who thinks God is punishing him now. Wait until he meets the New York Press Corp.

Oh what a summer this will be at the Garden... er, rink.

Isaiah Processor

That's right. It's come to this. Computer chip maker, VIA, has announced the Isaiah processor.

Looking at the specifications, this fan can only come to the conclusion that someone has finally embedded an NBA trade checker on a chip. This one features a special cache for Eddy Curry trade congestion.

Is Viagra a Fountain of Youth Steroid?

Earlier in the summer I joked that the NBA might adjust the court for old-timers to play.

This week Charles Oakley, Reggie Miller, and Allan Houston are the biggest wannabe sports comeback stories. Dennis Rodman must be waiting in the wings. Stern is talking about a Geezer of the Year (GOY) trophy, ESPN wants to do postmortems before the game, Lurch is thinking about suiting up, and the NBA wants to change the shape of the backboard to look more like a tombstone.

There isn't enough geriatric equipment in the world to keep these guys going.

You know what, these guys had their day. Start a Night of the Living Dead Basketball League if you like but please, if Barkley is younger than the guy making the shot I'm out.

The Usual Suspects - Stay the Coarse

News that a mule had given birth last week is rocking the Washington political establishment. Bush, Cheney, and Lieberman all of whom have been heartily pounding the Democrats for over a decade have no comment on the startling revelation.

Likewise, Washington religious lobbyists are being tight-lipped about the affair. The mule, a well-known trans-gender activist, had appeared in a number of nativity plays with high-ranking evangelists all of whom are refusing comment but expressing concern that this latest evidence of evolution is the work of the devil.

On Capital Hill, Barack Obama says he is willing to meet with the mule. Hillary Clinton thinks it is too soon after the birth to traumatize the mother, Chris Dodd can't afford to meet with the mule. Joe Biden wants to care for the mule there so that the global mule population isn't encouraged to start having offspring here. Edwards pledged support for the poor mule. Mike Gravel claims to have prevented such an incident during the Nixon administration when Washington Republicans "had that same crazy glint in their eye". Bill Richardson says mules in New Mexico are covered by state law. And Dennis Kucinich reminded the press that he is no longer single but pledges full support for single moms.

Meanwhile, Michael Moore is offering to pay for the mule and her offspring to be flown to Cuba so that he can film a sequel to Sicko.

At Friday's Washington correspondent's press conference, Tony Snow speaking for the White House, insisted that "the media is just trying to make an ass out of Bush and Cheney" to which Helen Thomas replied, "Quit your braying and speak English."

The House of Representatives is insisting the administration provide DNA samples as evidence in a coming probe.

Washington madams are considering suing the mule for unfair business practices.

The mother of the foal is crying foal at the suggestion that her baby be used as the poster child for the Bush administration just because she is considering naming the child 'Baby Dubya'.

Surprising Troop Call Up

In The Know: Our Troops In Iraq